I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
