mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
