It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You have to summon your inner elephant
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
