Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
