she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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