my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
