how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
