what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
