No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
