you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
