Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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