I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
