did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
