he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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