You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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