Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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