its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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