Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
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And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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