Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
