I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
