We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
