my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have already put on my inside pants.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
