i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
