The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
