I'm jealous of your bromance
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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