I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
