But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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