she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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