Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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