dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
