Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
