I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
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i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
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Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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