I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
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I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
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I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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