dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
