not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
