I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
