which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
