I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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