Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
