6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
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i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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