So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
