R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
