At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
