C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
