Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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