I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
