The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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