There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
