Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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