I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Your dad touched me again.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need to calm my uterus...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
