you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
