i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
