terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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