We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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