Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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