One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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