Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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