Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
