I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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